On Becoming and Uncle for the Frist, Second, and Thrid Time

Late last week, my brother and his wife brought into the world three beautiful little children. There are many emotions that go a long with it. Happiness, joy, and the worry that any new parents or family members might feel. Also, a sense of weirdness. My brother is now a father. My father is now a grandfather. To the new parents I have some advice.

1. Push them to excel in a lucrative sport from an early age. You have a real opportunity here. Three kids, one of them should be good at something. Harness that at a young age, and burn them out. Burn them all the way to the back. They might hate you later, but they'll hate you in a fancy car.
1a. Three kids means that you can have them be child actors. You can easily skirt child labor laws that stipulate that a kid can only be on a set for four hours. You just got yourself a 12 hour day. Think olsen twins. Boo-yeah.
2. Make sure they know that crying is for losers.
3. Give them tough nicknames. Like Mad Dog, Bone Crusher, or Scarecrow.
4. Don't force a religion on them. Instead, let them learn all religions. It'll be easier to defeat the lesser religions that way.
5. Walk softly and carry a big stick. Just make sure your stick is made out of American Steel.
6. The only thing more important that love is money.


Anyway. The best of luck to you both.

-cjfer-