Dear Ms. Dunst,
First of all, let me introduce myself. I am a blogger on this site. Okay, introductions aside. In conversations recent and not so recent with my male contemporaries, it has occurred to me that many of them find you unattractive - if not really unattractive. It then occurred to me that these colleagues of mine are not so dissimilar from the average guy. Therefore, I feel that it must be fairly difficult for you to get a date. I think that is really a shame. To be a movie star who has appeared in many different films, you must feel alone in the world, no one to share in your triumphs and joys as well as your crestfallen moments. I am different. Unlike my counterparts, I do find you attractive. So, you don't have to feel so alone anymore. (yay me!). As you read this I'm sure you're thinking, sure, whatever, I've read these letters before. And you know what, maybe you have. But I'm asking you to take a chance with someone you've never met, and who must appear pretty crazy. But you know what? Maybe it's crazy to think that two kids can make it in this world, but it's a chance I'm willing to take. The only question then, is, are you willing to take a chance?
If I don't hear back from you in three days, I'll just have to think that you've read the letter and have decided not to act.
-cjfer-
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